1. Give each child space to share their story

Let each child tell what happened. Don't interrupt. Sit next to your child and name what you actually see. "I see tears, what happened?", "So, what angry words do I hear! What happened?". Then repeat what your child says. This allows your child to feel seen and heard.

2. Search for a solution

Have you heard both stories? Then work with the children to find a solution. Name what the problem is. Ask, "How can we make this right together?" Focus on the solution, not who was at fault. Then let the children come up with their own plan that they are happy with. This sometimes takes time, but creates more peace in the home

3. Give emotions space

Arguments often involve strong feelings. Give your children space to feel and express emotions such as anger or sadness. Dwell on an emotion for a moment. Acknowledge the feeling that this situation is not nice. Discharging emotions helps bring closure to the situation and prevent worse. Help your children end the argument together with something that feels good to them: a high five, hug or expressed resolution.

4. Evaluating and looking ahead

Is the problem solved? That's nice! Dwell on this moment for a moment. Look back together: what happened? How did you solve it? Give a compliment. Then make arrangements together for the next time. That way the children know what they can do next time.

5. Going deeper into the situation

Sometimes it is good to talk to your child again later. Arguing can be a way to show that something else is going on. Perhaps your child feels jealous or often unfairly guilty. Talk at a quiet time, one-on-one. That way your child feels safe and dares to talk more.

Safety first

For (recurring) physical altercations between children, you can call Safe Home for expert advice and support if safety is at stake.